i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
