He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize