K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize