A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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