So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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