summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
