Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
