I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
