I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
