I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
