I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
