thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What drink are we having for lunch?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
