my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this will be a night to untag.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
