He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
