If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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