1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
