3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
