We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
