I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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