Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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