Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
