So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize