I'm so fucking centered right now
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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