All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
