It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
