I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
