I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just want to make out with him forever
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
