Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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