You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
