If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize