Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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