I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
where are my eyebrows?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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