Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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