I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
