In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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