oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
