I got chris browned last night
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize