Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
