My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
