she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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