You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize