We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
