had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
God, I missed his penis.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
