it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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