I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize