i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
