garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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