I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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