Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
