I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
