it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize