i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize