Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
