That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
