I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
