my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
