I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
