Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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