Your tits are I can't wait for
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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