I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
