U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
