the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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