If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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