I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
