i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize