Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
