i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
