im about as happy as oj after his trial
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
