looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
