And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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