Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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