soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Randomize
