after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
