Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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