u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
bring money and cleavage
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
