you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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