guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
