Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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