I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
