He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
