Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
