Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
