my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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