I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
