so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
