i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
