you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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