I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
