You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
