yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
