Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
