it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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