did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
