She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
