end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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