you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
