I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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