First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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