We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
