don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
