I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
