i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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