You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
